Q1. Isn’t all that running bad for you?
A1. Well it certainly isn’t as good as, say, sitting on the couch stuffing my face with pizza and beer, while chain-smoking, but hopefully I’ll survive.
Q2. Won’t you be sorry when you are 60 and your knees are fucked?
A2. No, I won’t. My knees may or may not be fucked when I’m 60, but I’ll have some damn fine memories of when they were parts of a well-oiled machine. Yours will probably be in great shape. Like a nuns conscience.
Q3. Running those distances must be so hard – why would you do that?
A3. Because I can. Because I want to. Because an easy life isn’t worth living. Because I want to see how epic I can be. Because it’s so hard. Because nobody asks me stupid questions while I’m running.
Q4. How far is a marathon?
A4. Depends – a nearby marathon, or a faraway one?
Q5. Are you running away from something?
A5. Yes – assholes. Gotta go.
Q6. Don’t you get tired?
A6. No, never. I’m as fresh at the end of a 100k as I was when I started. Sometimes it takes 10 strong men to restrain me from going back and doing it again.
Q7. Don’t you think you’re a bit obsessed with running?
A7. Sorry, did you say something? I didn’t hear you, I was thinking about running.
Q8. If you run so much, how come you’re not skinny?
A8. Because every time I shag your mother, she gives me a biscuit.
Q9. What time did you do?
A9. Mindyourownfuckingbusiness time.
Q10. I was thinking of doing a marathon, I’m pretty fit, it can’t be that hard, can it?
A10. You’re right, it isn’t. It’s dead easy. In fact, if I were you, I wouldn’t even bother training.
Let me know how you get on.