25 Reasons Distance Runners are Cooler than Normal People.

  1. We can blow our nose using just one finger.
  2. We can do it in the middle of a conversation, without pausing or slowing down.
  3. We usually remember not to put “only” before “half marathon”
  4. We shit in the woods, but we’re not bears.
  5. We’ll stand guard when our buddy shits in the woods, and we won’t tell anyone.
  6. We don’t punch people who refer to a 10k as a marathon, even though we really want to.
  7. What happens on the run, stays on the run. Unless it’s REALLY funny, then we tell everyone.
  8. We share our jelly babies with our running buddy, even if we both know he just wiped his ass, and I just blew my nose with those hands.
  9. We share our Vaseline, even if we know the guy is going to rub it on his nuts.
  10. We know long fingernails are ideal for picking flies out of someone’s eyeball.
  11. We know that brown flies taste much less awful than colorful ones.
  12. No one gets left behind. Unless they’re a fucking whiner. Then it’s acceptable.
  13. We can talk about bleeding nipples, shitting ourselves, vomiting, and crotch chaffing, and it never gets awkward.
  14. We look forward to running distances normal people dread driving.
  15. We know EXACTLY how long it will take us to get anywhere.
  16. We can laugh at things that would make other people cry.
  17. Our hearts are bigger than normal.
  18. We look forward to doing something that is used as punishment in other sports.
  19. We can eat 7,000 calories a week more than anybody else and still lose weight.
  20. We know how many miles it takes to wear out a pair of shoes.
  21. We know we can survive just about anything.
  22. We don’t stop when we’re tired, we stop when we’re done.
  23. We know the correct way to pop a blister.
  24. If there’s a tsunami, zombie apocalypse, or an escaped lion, we’ll survive.
  25. We rock compression socks, multi-colored shoes, and luminous lycra.
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